she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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