Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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