Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
