YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
