So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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