I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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