Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Porn is love you can see.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
