she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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