You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I need moral support for this bender
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
