She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Randomize
