just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
