just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
