Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize