Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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