def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
