Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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