There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize