really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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