Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
