well you can't waste a boner
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
