i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
