I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
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