Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
