how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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