Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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