you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
