I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
