at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
