we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
