i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
