Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Randomize
