I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
