dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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