Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
