Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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