If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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