You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
