Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Randomize
