he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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