I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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