At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
