tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
