woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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