He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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