I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
