he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
our cab driver is having phone sex.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Randomize
