He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
