It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
