dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
