My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
