i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
