She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
