No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Boobs speak an international language.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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