After last night, I could never be a politician.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
