using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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