So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
drinking out of a sandbucket again
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
