I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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