I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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