Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
