So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
