sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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