I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
