Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Randomize
