I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
