I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
