i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
