Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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