you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
