those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
