I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize