he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
