Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I'm just crazy horny about you
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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