She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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