I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
