just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
