I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
